Brodigan - June 07, 2021 at 08:12AM
Brian Stelter took time away from his busy schedule of loneliness and writing Tucker Carlson fan fiction. His special guest on his unironically titled Reliable Sources was former CNN co-worker Jen Psaki. Psaki took her experience lying to the American people on America's #3 news-entertainment channel all the way to the White House. Where she spends her days with a bottle of Tito's Vodka in her desk hoping she can make it through the day without Biden confusing her with the Wendy's logo and thinking her office is the drive-thru. If the president asks her for a double stack and a frosty one more time, she'll scream.
What follows is a hard-hitting interview where a super-serious journalist held the Biden administration to account. Just kidding. Stelter slobbered over her almost as bad as he does the Jim Acosta poster he hangs over his bed.
STELTER: Is President Biden pleased with me?
PSAKI: He needs you to increase your crying about Fox News by 57%.
STELTER: Is Peter Doocy as annoying as he looks? I can't even with his questions half the time. He's kinda cute though. You know, for a boy.
PSAKI: We have to throw the right a bone. At least until we're able to execute Order 66 and outlaw any opinion we don't like. Better Doocy than someone like Steve Deace or anyone else from BlazeTV. But I try to balance out his questions with whatsherface from PBS.
STELTER: It smells like you had French toast for breakfast.
PSAKI: Shut up and keep licking.
I always treat Brian Stelter with the unseriousness someone like his human potato-looking head deserves. But dude, really? He actually asked Joe Biden's press secretary, "What does the press get wrong about Joe Biden?" And while I didn't watch the rest of the show — because it's CNN and I have better ways to spend my Sunday mornings — I'm guessing the rest of the show was him whining that Fox News is unserious.
Just ask Chucky live on-air if she received your resume and the muffin basket you sent her. You're CNN, so it's not like we expect any actual "news" from you. But at least our intelligence wouldn't be insulted.
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