Brodigan - May 29, 2021 at 09:15AM
The popular wrestling catchphrase "John Cena sucks" was never more true than it was this week. Americans woke up to the wrestler-turned-actor begging the Chinese for forgiveness. His offending act? Saying Taiwan is a country. You may say to yourself, "But Brodigan, Taiwan IS a country." Congratulations! YOU can no longer star in a big-budget Hollywood blockbuster.
Unfortunately, selling an apology in a foreign language is more difficult than selling for Roman Reigns. Things get lost in translation. Trans-political comedian JP Sears helps the process along with the apology the former "Dr. of Thugganomics" SHOULD have given.
Cena hasn't taken a hit this badly since Chicago 2011 against CM Punk.
I couldn't be more sorry, have smaller testicles, or have less bravery. I also fully support the CCP's efforts to completely strip their citizen's freedoms from them. I'm excited for the US government to do the same to its citizens.
He's not wrong. If there is one thing the Communist Chinese and Hollywood agree on it's silencing any and all political dissent. One might say Hollywood's relationship with the Communist Chinese is similar to that popular drug commercial from the 80s. "I LEARNED IT FROM YOU, ALRIGHT? I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU."
Don't worry, C-Nation. "Cena" had a few words for you. The fans who theoretically want to see the wrestler turned actor turned cuck in a movie about cars raping the laws of physics. Yes, John Cena's fans are called the "C-Nation." Best not to think about it.
I also apologize to all the kids who look up to me because, for a moment, I was accidentally not a complete coward. I'm sorry for my momentary lapse of judgment. Taiwan is not a country. All hail communism. I am currently happily bent over with my soulless butt cheeks spread for anything the genocidal CCP wants me to say.
John Cena is set to return to the WWE in the summer which, unlike the CCP and Hollywood, is less scripted and more based in reality. Though there is still a dictator whose buttocks Cena is expected to pucker up for. At least Vince McMahon doesn't demand hostage videos. He makes you kiss his ass -- literally with your mouth --- in the middle of the ring like a man.
Cena is famous for the catchphrase "you can't see me." No, we can all see you. I see you. JP Sears sees you. America sees you. We just all wish we didn't.
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