Democrat Demands Gender Equality in Crash Test Dummies and ... I'm Sorry, What?!

Democrat Demands Gender Equality in Crash Test Dummies and ... I'm Sorry, What?!
Brodigan - June 04, 2021 at 10:25AM

Eleanor Holmes Norton, the D.C. Democrat who is kinda like a congresswoman but they don't let her vote, is demanding gender equality in crash test dummies. That is a sentence I just wrote out loud because it was a sentence I just read in this news article. Just when you think we're at the end and there can't possibly be anything else for progressives to signal their virtue and flatulence over, they hit you with crash test dummies. Womyn aren't being suitably represented in the crash test dummy community.

Delegate Eleanor Holmes Norton, the non-voting representative of Washington, D.C., says the lack of female crash-test dummies means that vehicle collision risks for women are not adequately studied, according to the Washington Times.

"Women have achieved equality on the road when it comes to driving but when it comes to safety testing to keep them safe on the road, they are nowhere near achieving equality," Norton said in a statement.

To be clear, she is talking about the human-shaped items that get put in a mini-van and driven into a brick wall. And NOT the '90s band. And because I shouldn't be the only one suffering from ear-AIDS right now ...

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from Steven Crowder Says

BREAKING: Monkeys Attack Lab Assistant, Escape with COVID-19 Samples ... Wait, What?!

BREAKING: Monkeys Attack Lab Assistant, Escape with COVID-19 Samples ... Wait, What?!
Brodigan - May 29, 2020 at 09:23AM

The wheels have completely come off the planet. People are losing their minds (see THIS WOMAN FORGOT HER MASK, SO SHE DROPPED HER PANTS AND PUT HER PANTIES ON HER HEAD and SCREW YOU, SOCIAL DISTANCING: GIRL KISSED — BY A STRANGER — DURING NEWS INTERVIEW). The pandemic is bad. Or not. It depends on the day and who just released new info that contradicts the previous info. I'd like to think if there's one thing everyone can agree on, monkeys attacking lab assistants and stealing virus samples is at the very least concerning.

This takes place in Delhi, India, where apparently the monkeys have been feeling themselves. I hope one of you is going to fact-check me and call me out that I got tricked by cleverly written satire. Because, just, wow. The Tim Burton remake of Planet of the Apes was bad enough.

The bizarre incident saw the troop of primates launch their assault near Meerut Medical College in Delhi, India.

According to local media, the animals then snatched COVID-19 test samples from three patients and fled. One of the monkeys was later spotted in a tree chewing one of the sample collection kits, the Times of India reported - adding that test samples from the patients had to be taken again.

While they have proved an increasing problem in urban areas of the country in recent years, lockdown measures in the last two months have emboldened the monkeys.

According to the paper, the monkeys haven't been social distancing, but have been gathering in areas of Delhi which are typically full of people. Quick, someone get those primates some masks.

This just got real, fam.

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from Steven Crowder Says